Love; n.
1) an intense feeling of deep affection.
2) a person or thing that one loves.
v.
1) feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment.
Lust; n.
1) very strong sexual desire.
v.
2) to have a very strong sexual desire for someone.
Hey It Gals! There's this song by the artist Jhene Aiko titled Comfort Inn Ending that I have always felt successfully paints a picture of how lust and love can be mistaken for each other (as many of us have at some point done before "possibly").
One, two, one two Thought I told you not to trust these h***
Say they love you, when you know they don’t Say they will, but s***, you know they won’t Yeah, you hear me, you don’t feel me, though And you are not the only one You are not the only one You are not the only one You are not the only one
Okay, f*** it It was Dominik, David, Braden All of them did the same to you Marquis and Sean and Brian All of them had they way with you Ever so often you get lost and miss out on everything Shout-out to Krissy That’s my b**** ’cause she tells me everything And I was not the only one I was not the only one to you… So I was the only lonely one
Really, we had the perfect end… That night we shared at the Comfort Inn We made love like the world would have ended… If either of us had admitted We were in love So I was the only one
....
When physical attraction is such an initial characteristic, that we check off of our lists when crushing on or getting familiar with someone to then potentially date/become romantically involved with, how can we distinguish the feeling we have for being in love or purely lust? It's a tricky thing, but the dynamic of that "relationship" and the feelings you share for that person can let you know if you're willing to listen.
Love as mentioned is an intense, deep affection you hold towards another person. It involves emotional attachment along with physical attachment (romantically). It's when you've seen the person for who they truly are beneath surface level, and have connected because of it. It's not shallow, it gets deep. It brings peace and security not toxicity and drama. It's pure and known to be unconditional. You'll know the feeling once its formed within you and between you and someone else.
Lust is driven by the flesh, desire and physical attraction. It can feel like love in its early stages, hot and fiery, but with time and when the "real person" reveals themselves lust exposes itself. It's a surface level feeling. Real feelings don't reside here usually, it's mainly fantasy. It feels good and it looks good, but is it really what it looks like? The connection only resides between the sexual desire or attraction one has for another. Lust often feels dangerous. Your gut will tell you to tread lightly/caution ahead.
Don't get me wrong... lust can and has been able to grow into love and romance for people. Passion is something we all may aim to have within a relationship. To have that initially with someone you find attractive, to then build onto that by falling for their true self, and to later have deeper feelings reveal themselves, could all be one captivating love story... There's just something freeing about liking someone genuinely, not shallowly, and your intuition and other parts of you feel secure and comfortable about liking or having feelings for someone. Those times where you start as friends or crushing on one another, getting to know each other inside and out, and then realizing just how much you enjoy being around this person and loving this individual for all that they are. All this in contrast to only desiring an individual. One thing for sure is that it is always best to be valued > desired, but in a perfect world you could have both!
These two feelings, love and lust, can last long term for people which perpetuates the confusion of the two, and with failure to communicate your intentions with someone the feelings will continue to grow with no sense of direction. As Jhene Aiko expresses in the Comfort Inn Ending song, people, males especially and in her case, will make the vibe between you and them feel magical, like love. Their actions will mimic that of love to a certain extent, the feeling you get from them will feel like love, and then reality sits in. For him its been lust and convenience all along while you've developed what you thought was a connection and attachment for this individual. Now, this is no where near the case for everyone, but it is common and a vicious cycle that many of us have endured and continue to.
So, let's trust the signs, vibes, intuitions and feelings we have about the people we create ties with to fully understand what kind of situation is at hand. If we ignore the signs and forget to look at the situation for what it is early on we will continue to confuse the two of being in love or being in lust.