Hi, It Gals!
Hope you all are in good spirits!
In the beginning of April I asked on my Instagram stories for some topics you all would be interested in me sharing about. My bestie posed a topic that I already kind of thought would be of interest to share, but me being me, I was slow to committing to it because of my innate guarded ways which I'm challenging myself to overcome this year. So again, here I am working towards becoming more transparent so that you all can get to know me better and hopefully can relate or gain insight from my personal life experiences or thoughts. I'll be asking for more topics more frequently so be sure you all are interacting and pitching ideas.
You probably have an idea already about what it is I'm sharing today, if you've read the title, but yes, I am going to share with you all what its been like having to manage my long distance relationship + friendships.
I am and have literally been in LONG DISTANCE relationships with most of the people I love and care about. This goes for my significant other, my best friends, and my family.
When it comes to managing these relationships it all comes come down to the thing we all know which is that Communication is KEY.
Managing my long distance relationship
First I want to say, and this goes for friendships too, foundation matters.
As far as managing my relationship, in the beginning it was similar to a part time job, at least for me and my personality. Trying to adjust to one another's schedules and learning how to nurture the relationship without being there physically for one another. Making sure each of us got that necessary fill of one another daily etc. It was a learning and adjusting process, but with any relationship, platonic or familial or romantic, in order for it to withstand you have to make it a priority.
I was so nervous to be embarking on something that is often negatively spoken down on. To all extents I understood people's "concerns" or opinions I should say, but the things they'd say were so not helping lol. It was especially frustrating because there was no one around me or that I knew who had been in a situation like I was.
But the one thing that stuck with me was from my mom, who never made me feel a way about willingly being in a long distance relationship. It was that, "Jaiya if you don' try it you'll never know what it could be". Four years later we're more solid than ever.
Long distance isn't for the weak, those easily influenced or those who are already insecure or have major doubts within their relationships without the distance added to it.
Between going to college, trying to be involved, being away from home/friends and trying to manage my relationship it got emotional at times. There were times where we both felt the pressure, but the feelings we hold for each other, our friendship, and us being all that each other really had in new cities with new people... the trying times just never outweighed the good ones.
Ironically y'all, I was the one that would feel like we shouldn't do it from the beginning and it was my boy friend who never had a doubt in his mind that we were going to be together distance or not.
So it was his confidence + reassurance that let me feel confident and sure in our circumstances and allowed me to focus on the good and how in love I felt over worrying about the opinions of others and the common narrative associated with long distance.
We talk everyday literally. We talk to each other more than people may even realize. Also with our personalities, time alone, un-bothered, in the company of ourselves is something we both value, so being alone didn't have the most drastic affect on either one of us. We'd just wish we could be alone together most of the time.
In the earlier times of our long distance relationship I was very invested in nurturing our bond, so much so, that I, admittedly, shut myself out from my present. I missed out on opportunities to have made more friends in college, to be more active and become a apart of the community.
So, it truly was a part time job, but I made it that way when it didn't have to be. In my defense though, I was nervous we would lose our spark and interest if I didn't obsess over us communicating lol.
Managing my friendships long distantly
So, I'm literally in long distance relationships with everyone I love which includes my best friends.
Being in Tampa while all my closest friends were in Tallahassee really took a toll on me, so much so, that my mind made me feel as if I wasn't apart of the friend group anymore. I ended up psychologically and subconsciously clinging more to what was solid, my relationship, and isolated myself. For a little while there I was not managing my friendships well at all. I felt like no one understood my situation and I just stayed to myself a lot. Granted I knew these were my girls, but it just didn't feel that way.
I felt like we all weren't doing the best job of maintaining our friendships. For a minute there we knew we cared about each other, but as a unit we weren't the strongest.
This changed for the better when we got together for a New York trip in 2017 over winter break. This was the turning point in our relationships.
We talked things out, we loved on each other, we realized how absent we'd been with each other, well really between me + them, and we got our sh*t together. We got our group chats popping again. If I came to Tallahassee I'd try to see them during my trip. We started planning more trips together. Just doing a better job at nurturing our 8+ years of friendship.
I can admit that I did not do the best at this in the beginning, but I can tell you that now we are doing our thing. Being an adult and having friends is already trying, just think of being an adult, long distance and in school.
So we make plans to get together regularly, we're under each picture any one of us posts as the ultimate hype-men, we have group chats on literally everything, we stay connected, we show up for the important moments in life and we're there for each other and we let it be known.